(Posted for 2nd of April, My Birthday)
Life is like a loop, it goes on, and on, iterating through every passing year. This post, commemorates my 22nd one, which as a customary, I have done in the past too. It helps keep record, of what I wanted to do, what I have done, what I am going to do or atleast that which I thought I should do, leaving behind a trail of how I have changed. So a decade later, when I have the need to slap myself, I can go against my ego and do so, with proof.
Every year It feels I have come to fill the gap, a gap at which I seemed to have sucked at, an year back. I feel good, or almost, because before that happens, an introspective realization hits that its just another improvised gap, like suckiness in recursion, for the coming year. This observation has been quite consistent over the past 5 years. Or so I remember.
Each year that goes past, I consider myself to have become an year younger, a tradition which helps keep the spirit going, for I would have left some baggage behind, to move on, to look forward for things ahead in life. This time its different, I am 1 year older, truly, for the things I have been through, what I have picked up, can never be left behind, can never be forgotten, never be healed. And yet I seem to be looking forward and ahead in life, for the times that are yet to come. The only true way of healing grief is by accepting it and letting it become an integral part of what and who we are. That probably makes me an entirely different person, different to me atleast, different from what I was an year back. I think I have started to accept and embrace so drastic a change, for its the only way to survive life and live it. Its a significant milestone in life, one which I dearly wish I didn’t have to arrive at.
Photography has stuck on with me, for over 2 years, to become a serious hobby, my best friend, helping me, when in need, to come out, cope up, move on & cheer up. It has helped me make memories few of which I would forever cherish, helped make new friends, talk to and interact with other people, with whom I might not have otherwise. Have also picked up something which I thought I lost 10 years back, only to get much better at it - Sketching. That makes it 3 things, check & done.
One of the things worthy of mentioning, that which has gone to change my way of thinking, my opinions, given a chance to make few new ones, to make some very strong & to break a quite a few too, is a book, “Fountainhead by Ayn Rand”. Those who read the book, need no more explanation, those who haven’t, should read without asking for an explanation. It is the one book which made me truly believe that books have power to influence, change and redirect a person by 180 degrees, a change worth skipping all your meals for, in case you thought books aren’t worthy enough. Reading wise, read more than 20 books, which considering that I never took to reading before, is another check.
India won the Cricket World Cup 2011, co-incidentally on the B-day, thats one more thing, no two things, double check.
2 years back I earned myself a DSLR for my B’day, out of the freelancing gigs I did, way back at college. It changed my life. Last year I earned myself my very first job as a backend/web developer. It changed my life. This time, as a life experiment, despite knowing that I love the web, I put myself (or life made me to be exact) in a position which I have no idea how I would possibly handle, and the only way of knowing how I would, is when I am in it and have no choice - a shiny new job, as a C++ dev.
This has given me a new sense of feeling towards life, me the ego, myself as a person and the world around in general, which I shall want to keep to myself. With it, I seem to have gotten a better idea of what I would want to do and importantly what I don’t want to do, which if I have to, I atleast know how I should want to.
The usual ritual is to make huge list of resolutions, as the self-observed pattern says that 60% of them get completed in most cases. This time there are only few, most of which are the ones that overflowed from last year’s list, and few other newer personal ones, which to summarize are - Run, Draw, Shoot, Travel, Read, Meet, Speak, Express.
(Posted for 2nd of April, My Birthday)